Britain’s #1 surreal comedy web series… presumably (We’ll look into it)


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Born illegitimately to a hairdresser and a dickhead, Alfonse was a forbidden foetus. His Mum left before he was born to pursue her career as a dickhead, while his Dad’s high profile job left no place for him in his life. Abandoned to The Mob, with only a haircut to remember his real patents by, Alfonse grew up mentored by The Boss (Who had taken a shine to him, as he reminded him of a ferret he’d once had). Raised the same way as a ferret, Alfonse remains the charge of his mentor.

Voted Most Likely To: Be prepared as a feast for Nelson Mandela.

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